I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
