You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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