Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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