I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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