Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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