Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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