I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
