I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
