It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
