I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My cat gives me a boner
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
