so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
