I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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