You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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