I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
