So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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