@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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