So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
