can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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