I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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