counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
