All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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