You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
