Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize