It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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