At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
