Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's like iHOP with fire
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
