if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A bitchslap is in order.
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