just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
