im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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