3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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