I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
