Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
