hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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