Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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