Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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