I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
