Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
