need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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