I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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