im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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