I showed him my bush... on skype.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's shark week go big or go home
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize