What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
