Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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