It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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