I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I pour the whiskey from now on
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
