So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
