I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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