my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
