All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
