Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
