thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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