Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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