smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
