note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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