You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
