I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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