how can u be prego again
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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