Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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