One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
