I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
