I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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