my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
