Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
