This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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