You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
