i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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