Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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