I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
