you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
