my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
