Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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