I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
