Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
