ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
