In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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