at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
