The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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