Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
