the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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